Community Is Key

Pearl Lake - May 2021

​The word community is on a lot of lips these days. As our world descends into ever-increasing violence, unkindness, and online siloing, being in proximity with caring people, actual in-person community, is one relevant antidote. Connecting with, reaching out, being there to support - these mean a great deal in the fractured now. 

The etymology of the word community, from Old French, is “the common people” - distinct from rulers or clergy - and “commonness.” I grew up thinking of the word common to mean base or lowly, a bit of a slur. To be uncommonly good at something, to rise above, was the aim. I still believe that working to be a person of quality moral character, that is, someone who cultivates awareness, takes action to support and be kind to others regardless of religion or politics, and learns from and apologizes for their mistakes, is a worthwhile way to live.

But I now take a different perspective on the idea of “the common people;” rather than lowly, the common people are those who put their commonality in front of their differences. If a neighbor knocks on the door because they need food, aid for an injury, or help moving a heavy item, we don’t first assess all the ways in which we differ. We see that they are a person in need, as sometimes we are in need. Basic needs are often a commonality.

Last weekend my daughter ran her first marathon - the Steamboat Marathon. She ran a consistent race, thanks to her disciplined training, and I am beyond proud of her mindset, her strength, and the huge smile on her face right to the finish line. While on the side of the road ready to cheer her on, another woman was also there to cheer on and we struck up a conversation. I didn’t know her, I didn’t know the runners going by, but we cheered and the tired runners gratefully acknowledged the enthusiasm. We had formed a sort of community based on our excitement for them to finish, the understanding that they were in the tough part (hot, tired, ready to be done), and our belief in and encouragement of their accomplishment. 

There are the communities of long-standing. Folks who’ve been coming together for meals, sports, books, games, etc., for months or decades. People who give rides to that test at the hospital, text or call when there’s been a power outage or illness, celebrate the births and graduations of kids and grandkids.

Community can be brief, temporary, lifelong. Right now, maybe it is time to expand the idea of community. By that I don’t mean invite the stranger you see on the street to an intimate family dinner, although that could be interesting. What I mean is, begin to focus on what you have in common with people at the grocery store, on the trail, and yes, even driving. This is not easy. In all three of those situations my go-to is usually a version of “you are in my way and please be gone!” I’m not proud of that, but I’m being honest.

If I focus on the commonality, it looks more like: “hm, looks like they’re just trying to get their groceries and get outta here, same as me,” “well, they are appreciating this beautiful river like I do,” and “we’re both frustrated with all the cars on the road.” Looking at what we have in common is the way to shared humanity. 

To take that further: if I feel surprised and irritated by a large medical bill, I think of the people who literally do not have the funds to pay that bill, or who don’t have health insurance. With rising prices on food items, I can choose other options - but I can still buy food and not everyone is in that position.

Finding commonality, feeling community with people who are not in our normal circles isn’t about feeling guilty or sad, although awareness is heartbreaking. Rather it is about humility, an awareness of what we do have, and a way to keep in mind the compassion and understanding of people who are in dire or different circumstances. There but for the grace of God go I.

From this place we act. Awareness is important, acting on that awareness is non-negotiable. 

To be truly in community we can’t just have all of our feelings and awareness and stay at home. Community is viable and thriving when we jump in. We help the neighbor, honor the get-togethers of our friends and families, and also find a little time to engage by volunteering. Or maybe time is so short we donate $10. If we forget what we have in common and make a mistake, we apologize and repair. We make it right. 

Community is give and take. We find commonality, practice awareness, take action. This is when a community of the common people is a living, breathing thing, when there is a recognition of oneself in others, when we’ve created a net that is strong, even stronger in its mended places, so that it continues to grow and support each one of us for a long time to come.